Envy

"the desire to have for oneself 

something possessed by another"

Sue from Sue's news and views recently wrote on her blog about a transgender film called "Monica" (you can read it HERE). 

After reading this I immediately felt I needed to write about what I had experienced whilst reading Sue's post. It wasn't the content about the transgender film that had affected me, it was the following photo she had posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trace_Lysette

The photo was of the actress Trace Lysette and as I looked at the photo of her posing in her celebrity garb I could feel my heart begin beating faster.  

On one hand I liked what I saw, she looked attractive, her outfit was gorgeous as was her hair and makeup but on the other hand I couldn't help wishing I could look like that, I wanted her body, her cleavage, her hair and I wanted to be stood wearing that outfit.

There was a feeling inside of me which was hard to put a finger on, it was like nervous excitment perhaps even butterflies as I imagined myself looking like that.

I couldn't help but feel envious of her especially when I learnt she was transgender. I feel the same way when I see other transgender women too and even more so when they look convincingly female.  I suppose it's knowing that they were once male just like me and it is possible to obtain a female form. 

I must stress that whilst I feel strongly envious of transgender women, I do feel envious of cisgender women too.  I see certain bodyshapes, breasts and long flowing hair and I am wishing I could have the same.  I see certain outfits on women and I'm wishing I can wear those outfits too and look like exactly like they do.

The above Trace Lysette photograph is another good example.  I see her and I'm atttracted to what I see but there is big part of me that is wanting to look like she does. 

To have her breasts, her hair and her other feminine attributes. I want to wear what she's wearing and I want to look as sexy as she looks.

Feeling this way messes with my head, it makes me confused and low. Worst of all it seems to take forever for things to go back to normal afterwards.

I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling like this and I  assume other crossdressers go through this experience too. 

Do other crossdressers look at photos the same way I do?  Do they look at the photo below and wish like I do that their hair could flow like that?

Do they look at the photo below and wish like I do that they could don a strappy dress and have the same cleavage as Trace does?